That is until, I got home and saw there was two boxes waiting for me near my door.
I opened it up and it was an instant pot from my mom. I am incredibly happy, my heart smiled when I saw it. It made my bad nights and being yelled at, disappear. But... it was an expensive gift. I have such a hard time accepting gifts from my parents, I know how much they struggle and I know what they could have spent their money on instead of me. It breaks my heart, it crushes me. I can’t sleep because of it. I had to call my mom after opening my gift to tell her to return it. I wish crying when I did it and now hours later, I am still crying, I feel so bad inside. I feel guilty, I feel sad and I can’t sfop thinking that maybe I should have just accepted it. I didn’t return it because I hated it. I returned it because I don’t feel worthy of it.
My parents have done so much for me, so fucking much. Much more than parents are supposed to do. I can’t repay them enough. I mean my mom puts up with my nonsense daily. My mom is my only friend, I’m not worth the money spent on the present. God, I feel so bad.
As you know, every night I fall asleep thinking of how much my family has given me, every night my heart breaks a little more. I replay in my mind al the things I should have done to make their life easier. What can I do? How can I do it? I have to joe add retirning the presents they got me to that list. I feel like I did the wrong thing, said the wrong thing to her today, to them today. I can’t take it back.
I’d rather deal with this nightly heartbreak, then know I am the reason why they can’t buy something. Even if it means I seem like a spoiled jerk. I’m doing it for them. It’s all for them. I’m sorry they think they raised their daughter to be a jerk.
