A silly pig..

Sometimes I feel like I am a wilbur. A silly little pig, who is afraid to die. I read the book recently, followed by the movie, the 1970's one.. It kind of hit home. You see, When I go to the doctors I feel like telling them that I am a Wilbur. I scream so loud in my head that I am surprised my thoughts don't leak out my ears for the nurses to wonder about and the doctors to question.. its my repeatable sentence. It screams over and over again, louder and louder each time..

"I don't want to die! I want to stay here in my warm and new home and breathe of beautiful air, and lie in the beautiful sun. "


Diabetes is an awful and terrible thing not to mention it being horribly cruel. First my hair fell out, I ended up in a coma, can't have kids, I got fat.. insulin dependent. I can only to look forward to an early death. There really isn't any great wisdom to it. Theres nothing to say and not much to do. I'm pretty angry about the whole thing, and am frankly just pissed off about it.

So its like 3am here, my defenses are down. I'm losing the battle for tonight. Bad thoughts take over and I am reminded just how vulnerable I really am - despite the so called fight I put up. I'm really really mad. I don't want to be sick any more. I don't want to worry about staying up to late because of the thoughts I am consumed with. I don't want to die yet. I don't want cancer, I don't want the stroke or my legs cut off..

I hope when I do go to bed, sleep finds me.


Charlotte's Web..

Wilbur: Is it true what the old sheep says?! Is that awful thing true?!
Goose: It's a dirty-irty trick, but it's true.
Wilbur: I don't want to die! I want to stay here in my warm and new home and breathe of beautiful air, and lie in the beautiful sun.
Old Sheep: You're certainly making a beautiful noise.
Wilbur: I don't want to die! I don't want to die! [sobbing]
Charlotte: Quiet Wilbur! Now, chin up!
Wilbur: Who said that?
Charlotte: Do you want a friend?
Wilbur: Yes, I want a friend. But I want to live too.
Charlotte: Well, chin up. I'll be your friend and I'll try to save your life. I've been watching you and I like you.
Wilbur: I can't see you. What do you mean chin up?
Narrator: Wilbur's stomach was empty, and his mind was full. And when your stomach is empty and your mind is full, it's always hard to sleep. But sleep and Wilbur finally found each other.

a scab can last a month and a bruise a lifetime.

My Sugars are high.Its reading off the meter. Somtimes I dont care what that stupid little machine says. Somtimes I get so angry at my needles I want to crush and break them all into little bits - so small, so tiny one would need a magnifying glass to see!
Somtimes.. Somtimes.. Somtimes I want to eat all the candy and cakes in the world. Stuff them all into my mouth at once. Inhale some donuts and claim godiva as mine..
3 more years before you go blind.
5 yrs before you start to lose feeling
Sorry but you can't have any kids
Your skin will always be dry and your hair will fall out.
You can fall into a coma at any moment..
someday you might not wake up.

pretzals. pasta. pastries and petite fours..
Kerri did you check your blood?
Kerri did you take your shot?
Kerri You cant eat thatKerri you cant drink thatKerri Kerri Kerri..