This is going to be quick. Well hopefully quick. I am lonely. Let’s be real, I know you know this. But this time I am really lonely. My sisters only talk to me when my mom tells them too and despite my parents promising me she and my dad would stay here again next winter, they quickly change the subject when I bring it up. When they are here, my dad thanks me for giving him time off from their house.
I digress and this sucks.
No one tells me they miss me
No one says they can’t wait to see me
No one ever talks about visiting me
I offer and I offer
I’ve sent notes and letters
Cards and gifts
I’ve learned to accept that from my sisters. They mgade that point years ago and I accept it now.
But, My dad hasn’t spoken to me in months, he doesn’t even acknowledge the gifts I’ve sent
I’m stressing my mom out. Right now she’s the only one I have left. Mum’s the word, so to speak.
I’ve reached out to extended family they don’t respond either
I’ve offered everything I can think of, I’m running out of ideas
I mean shit. I can’t even get a response to my text messages
So What’s wrong with me? When I back away, when I take a few steps back & shy away, I get a week of notice from them. A week of acknowledgement. It’s forced and fake. Someone told you to be nice to me...
It always goes back to the way it was. It’ a cycle. A circle. It’s dynamics
But really, why don’t they like me? Why is forced attention the only attention? Am I so terrible? So annoying? What is it about me that disgusts people? Why did my parents want to stop spending winters here? What did I do? Where did I go wrong? They are my connection. F I think so often of when they were with us, I thought we had fun. Maybe it was just me.
I’m kind of all over the place with this, it’s just raw emotion and it makes my heart hurt.
It’s like I have A big red X across my back, Whoever I am and whatever I do, no one wants any part of it..
If you don’t want me around, let me go.
Family really is supposed to be everything...
