People often make jokes about growing old and the hardships of “adulting.” You know like paying a mortgage and taking care of bills. But what they don’t tell you, is how lonely it is. When I was a kid, my mom always told me that when I grew up, I’d have friends. People to hang out with and someone to lean on. I’m still waiting for that to happen, I’m in my 40’s and I’ve only ever had 1 friend. I am desperately alone. I can’t even bribe my family anymore to talk with me. They have lives, they live close enough to each other that their lives are intertwined. I haven’t seen them in 9 months and no one seems to mind it, I am not good at this. I’m am not good at being unwanted. I want them to want to be around me, I want to be liked and loved, talked with, listened too. I want someone vie for my attention, I want to be bribed and bugged for my attention. I want someone to want to be my friend. I’m sick of being an afterthought, I want to matter to someone.
If that is asking to much, then my only hope is to come to grips with it and to get better at being alone.
