So it’s 11:43pm. It’s raining out and I can’t sleep.
I made myself a charcuterie plate and I’m flipping through movies on my phone to watch. You’d think these meds would kick in. Tonight’s cocktail is:
3 10mg melatonin
2 Benadryl
1half Xanax
1 10mg oxycodone
2 unisom
I still can’t sleep. My pain is at 9, I can’t even sit still, I keep changing positions and it’s so awkward.
It sucks. Being this broken sucks. My family thinks I’m spoiled, that I don’t anything and that I’m angry at everyone all the time.Part of that is true, but I’d give anything to have a career. To do something. To be a someone. I know I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself, I know I have of good and that there’s millions of people who would kill to be where I’m at. Unfortunately, thats not a reality. I’m sorry for them, I wish I could help them and I would if it could... but I digress. It’s hard for me to be this way. You know broken. A good day for me is a day where I can walk across target and not start walk like a gimp. A good day is not having to take my full dose of medication, of that I can walk up stairs and not have to hold onto something. So what can I do? How can I work at a place when I fall down or my foot swells up like it’s swallowed a melon... I’m home too much and I can’t drive. There’s a lot...
People alway think that the grass is greener on the other side...
